Tuesday, May 02, 2006
Yep, she's mine.
Chloe threw her first tantrum.
She has a learning table. On each side, there is a musical instrument that can be "played". In the middle, there is a "songbook" with one plastic "page". When turned to one side, the instruments play music. When the page is flipped, the instruments play songs, recite numbers and colors, etc. Chloe's latest obsession is turning that page on the book- back and forth, back and forth. The other day, she was standing at the table, and went to turn the page. She promptly smashed the fingers of her opposite hand between it and the table. Instead of flipping the page back over to free herself, she just pushed down harder. As she pushed down harder, she cried harder. I intervened at this point, and helped her to move the page back. She stopped crying, turned to me with a look that could only be described as defiance, and promptly did it again. This time, I said calmly, "It's OK Chloe, I know that must hurt. Let me help you." I helped her to move the page over, and then gently moved her opposite hand about two inches so that the next time she flipped the page, she wouldn't squish her tiny digits. That did it.
She freaked. She threw her entire body backwards as hard as she could, arms flailing (thank goodness I was kneeling behind her and therefore provided ample cushion for her landing). She screamed at the top of her little lungs, and squirmed her way down so she was lying on the ground. She was kicking her legs, and shaking her head, and just screaming and crying. I put my hand on her and said, "It's OK, sweetie, I know you're frustrated." And she swatted my hand away and just cried harder.
I laughed. Insensitive? Maybe. Sanity saving? Yes. I didn't know what else to do. She is at this age where she wants to explore everything. She is trying to pull herself up on things. She wants to stand, and get from one place to another while on her feet. Unfortunately, many of the things she desires are either beyond her capability, or too dangerous. At the same time, at only 10 months old, she hasn't learned patience, she can't communicate using words, and she can't be reasoned with. And when you try to help her...well, forget it -- she wants to do things herself or not at all.
This is proving to be quite frustrating for her, and for us. I think the most frustrating thing though is that I see so much of myself in her. In that moment, I could empathize with how frustrated she was. She wanted to do something, and wanted to do it herself. When she couldn't do it without hurting herself in the process and requiring assistance, she lost it, just like I have so many times before.
I am sure I am hypersensitive to this, but when I see traits like this coming out in Chloe, I think forward to the future, and wonder how I can help her to channel it more effectively. I am sure much of it is her age. But in my case, this inability to accept help from others has at times caused unnecessary stress for me and those around me. It's not something I want to pass on. I guess it's something all parents face. There is no manual. I can try my best, but there really is no control over what she will learn from me, which of those things will be beneficial, and ultimately, which of those things she'll be venting about in therapy in 20 years.
I guess I'll just do my best and try to cushion her falls along the way.
She has a learning table. On each side, there is a musical instrument that can be "played". In the middle, there is a "songbook" with one plastic "page". When turned to one side, the instruments play music. When the page is flipped, the instruments play songs, recite numbers and colors, etc. Chloe's latest obsession is turning that page on the book- back and forth, back and forth. The other day, she was standing at the table, and went to turn the page. She promptly smashed the fingers of her opposite hand between it and the table. Instead of flipping the page back over to free herself, she just pushed down harder. As she pushed down harder, she cried harder. I intervened at this point, and helped her to move the page back. She stopped crying, turned to me with a look that could only be described as defiance, and promptly did it again. This time, I said calmly, "It's OK Chloe, I know that must hurt. Let me help you." I helped her to move the page over, and then gently moved her opposite hand about two inches so that the next time she flipped the page, she wouldn't squish her tiny digits. That did it.
She freaked. She threw her entire body backwards as hard as she could, arms flailing (thank goodness I was kneeling behind her and therefore provided ample cushion for her landing). She screamed at the top of her little lungs, and squirmed her way down so she was lying on the ground. She was kicking her legs, and shaking her head, and just screaming and crying. I put my hand on her and said, "It's OK, sweetie, I know you're frustrated." And she swatted my hand away and just cried harder.
I laughed. Insensitive? Maybe. Sanity saving? Yes. I didn't know what else to do. She is at this age where she wants to explore everything. She is trying to pull herself up on things. She wants to stand, and get from one place to another while on her feet. Unfortunately, many of the things she desires are either beyond her capability, or too dangerous. At the same time, at only 10 months old, she hasn't learned patience, she can't communicate using words, and she can't be reasoned with. And when you try to help her...well, forget it -- she wants to do things herself or not at all.
This is proving to be quite frustrating for her, and for us. I think the most frustrating thing though is that I see so much of myself in her. In that moment, I could empathize with how frustrated she was. She wanted to do something, and wanted to do it herself. When she couldn't do it without hurting herself in the process and requiring assistance, she lost it, just like I have so many times before.
I am sure I am hypersensitive to this, but when I see traits like this coming out in Chloe, I think forward to the future, and wonder how I can help her to channel it more effectively. I am sure much of it is her age. But in my case, this inability to accept help from others has at times caused unnecessary stress for me and those around me. It's not something I want to pass on. I guess it's something all parents face. There is no manual. I can try my best, but there really is no control over what she will learn from me, which of those things will be beneficial, and ultimately, which of those things she'll be venting about in therapy in 20 years.
I guess I'll just do my best and try to cushion her falls along the way.
Comments:
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Perhaps you can see it as Chloe being advanced for her age for already hitting the "Terrible Twos!"
I totally know where you're coming from. I hear parenting gets easier at some point. I'm still waiting.
Forgive me if you've told me already, but have you given thought to using sign language with Chloe? It's not difficult to learn/teach, and once she picks up on it her tantrums will most likely lessen since she has a means of communication.
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I totally know where you're coming from. I hear parenting gets easier at some point. I'm still waiting.
Forgive me if you've told me already, but have you given thought to using sign language with Chloe? It's not difficult to learn/teach, and once she picks up on it her tantrums will most likely lessen since she has a means of communication.
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